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Lesson Four Summary: What Qualifies Us To Be Agape Lovers? (The Hindrance To Loving Others and Seeing Them In 3D)
Main Focus: Nothing in ourselves qualifies us to love others with agape (unconditional, Christ-like) love. Instead, God has already equipped us through what He has done in us. The primary hindrance to loving others and seeing them in 3D (heart-focused) is failing to continue growing up spiritually.
1. What Qualifies Us To Be Agape Lovers? (5-Part Answer)
- Christ is our Source: He put His life in us to love others through us (1 Corinthians 1:30; 1 John 4:19). We love because He first loved us—Christ, not self-effort, is the source.
- We are containers of all Christ’s love: In Christ, we possess the fullness of God’s love (Colossians 2:9-10). We are possessed by His love.
- New identity as lovers: God gave us a new creation identity (2 Corinthians 5:17). Loving others is not just what we do—it is who we are (1 John 4:7).
- We are being transformed into dispensers of His love: God’s love is poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit so it can overflow to others (Romans 5:5; 1 Thessalonians 3:12). We move from “eye-dropper” dispensers to “fire-hydrant” levels of love as we grow.
- Overall aim (Dallas Willard quote): Become a person possessed by love as our character, not just someone who tries to act loving in specific moments. Love is our identity, not a behavior.
2. The Core Hindrance: Not Growing Up Spiritually
- Without ongoing spiritual growth, we build up “spiritual plaque” (false beliefs, unbelief, and fleshly behaviors) that blocks the flow of agape love through our “spiritual artery.”
- Result: Hardened hearts, reduced capacity to love or see others’ hearts, and a slow spiritual “death” to genuine love.
3. Results of Spiritual Immaturity (7 Key Consequences)
- We stay focused on ourselves (remain “takers” instead of “givers”).
- Spiritual cataracts (judging, comparing, expectations) remain or worsen, blinding us to others.
- We keep taking ownership of others’ flesh (reacting instead of responding in love).
- We stay in bondage to false beliefs about God (e.g., seeing Him as unloving) and ourselves (negative: unloved/inadequate; positive: self-sufficient/prideful).
- Unhealed woundedness keeps us self-focused (victim/martyr mentality).
- Unforgiveness hardens our hearts like cancer.
- We reinforce walls of self-protection (the major obstacle to love).
4. Deep Dive: Self-Protection
- Definition: Building walls in our soul to prevent others from hurting, wounding, or rejecting us (again). Love and self-protection are mutually exclusive—you cannot do both at the same time.
- Root cause: Fear (serious concern about how others might negatively impact our lives). Common fears: rejection, hurt, failure, exposure, losing control.
- Common ways we self-protect:
- Avoidance or withdrawal (physical/emotional).
- Being critical/judgmental (offense as defense).
- Manipulation (silence, guilt, flattery, etc.).
- Needing to be in control (of others, circumstances, or self).
- The Truth That Sets Us Free (from our new identity):
- The “self” we are protecting is our old, crucified self (Romans 6:6; Galatians 2:20).
- We now have a new self that needs no protection—it needs to be expressed (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- Living from our new identity frees us to love others without fear (Galatians 5:13).
5. Agape Love in Relation to Liking, Trusting, Approval, and Boundaries
- Liking: Agape love does not require liking someone’s fleshly behavior (e.g., we love everyone, including difficult people). God loves us but dislikes our sin. Love can eventually transform dislike into genuine liking.
- Trusting: We must love everyone with agape love, but trust must be earned or rebuilt. Love provides the foundation for rebuilding trust.
- Approval: We love people even when we do not approve of their behavior (e.g., sinful lifestyles). Disapproval is never an excuse not to love.
- Boundaries: Healthy boundaries are sometimes necessary with abusive/toxic people (especially physical harm). However, as we grow spiritually, our “spiritual armor” thickens, and we may need fewer or no boundaries.
Overall Takeaway: Agape love flows naturally as we grow up spiritually, depend on Christ as our Source, and live from our new identity. Self-protection and spiritual immaturity are the main blocks—removing them (through ongoing transformation) frees us to love others as Christ does.This lesson builds directly on prior books in the series (growing up into Christ-likeness and experiencing true identity) and prepares for the rest of the study on living life for others.
