Everyone desires to have great relationships.  I define a great relationship as being close, trusting, connecting, spontaneous and fun.  Most of us desire this with our spouse, family members and close friends.  But, most of us have a mixed bag when it comes to relationships.  Some are good, and some are bad.  I have found that all my great close relationships have one thing in common.  There is one thing that underpins and is the foundation for the relationship.  I have found that when each individual in the relationship understand and rests in God’s Grace, the relationship is close, trusting and connecting automatically. When one receives and rests in God’s grace, love just overflows to others.  Neither is looking to get their needs met, but to serve and love the other person.  I have also found in a relationship when there is no resting in God’s Grace, there is always some degree of conflict in the relationship.

So what’s the key to a great relationship? It’s Grace.  Its God’s Grace received and rested in.  It’s trusting in God to meet our deepest core needs.  It’s resting in the fact as God’s child, I am unconditionally loved, 100% accepted and I am valuable to my heavenly Father.  It’s consistently going to God to meet my heart’s needs, not to other people or things as a substitute.  It’s believing what the word of God says about me as a child of God. A belief that’s not just head knowledge, but a belief that’s from the heart.   It’s believing in my new Identity “In Christ”.

Every man, woman and child on this earth have the same core needs.  God prior to the fall met all of man’s deepest needs.  After the fall, man became spiritually dead and void of life.  Now man is on an endless search to get his core needs met.  That’s the plight of every man.  Until man finds and receive Christ, his core needs will never be satisfied.  Because Christ can only fill man’s spiritual void and give man life.  Christ is the only source of true genuine unconditional love and acceptance.

After man’s initial saving faith in Christ’s death, burial and resurrection, man is born again, and made spiritually alive.  The Holy Spirit indwells and takes up residence in the heart.  Most of us start off looking to God initially for our core needs.  But the world, the flesh and the devil entice us to rely on old programming and reverting back to looking to other people and things to meet our deepest needs.  When we do this, conflict arise in relationships.  Here’s why.  Finite man can’t meet the needs of another finite man, because you guessed it, they are finite.  Only the infinite God can meet those needs.  When looking to others to meet our core needs, the relationship becomes performance based and tiresome.

“Do this for me, and I will like you.”  “Don’t do this for me and I will dislike you.”  Man can’t meet another’s deepest core needs.  God designed it that way so man would turn to Him and truly rest in ones new identity “In Christ”.  Being in a relationship that is performance based with conflict can improve.  It’s not doomed to failure.  The first part of the answer to resolve conflict is each individual needs to be born again.  Each person needs spiritual life.  After that, the second part to resolve relational conflict is resting in ones new identity “In Christ”, and to remind each other of this fact.  Remind each other daily of what Paul said in:

Romans 8:15-17 (NASB)
¹⁵ For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” ¹⁶ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

We are adopted, God’s child and His heir.  God’s our Abba Father.  He loves and cares for us.  That’s your new identity “In Christ”.  Resting in this fact by faith is the foundation for Grace based relationships.

If you would like to learn more about Grace and your new identity “In Christ”, you can respond to this Blog, or come visit Grace Christian church any Sunday morning, in Freehold New Jersey.  Everyone is welcome to come and experience Grace.
In Him,
Rob Parlante
Elder / Grace Christian Church